{1,000 Gifts}

I took a look around.
I found myself full of disappointment, discontentment, regret.
I longed for a change. I needed a change. I was ready to change.
I remembered a book a friend had been reading several months back, so I logged onto my Amazon account and two days later I sat down and started the book that began a much needed new journey of graditude and hope.


"Thanks is what multiples the joy and makes any life large, and I hunger for it.. To name a thing is to manifest the meaning and value God gave it." Ann Voskamp

Each day I add to my list of gifts that I find. Each day my perspective for seeing the gifts becomes a little broader, a little clearer. Each day I realize that I am so blessed RIGHT. WHERE. I. AM. In the midst of chores and schedules and dirty diapers, I find myself right were I am meant to be at this very moment in history. This journey isn't always the route I would have chosen, but God WILL use it. He will use every pit stop and road block and detour to shower His blessings on me, if I will only choose to see them.

Todays gifts:
1. Warm, cozy blankets for sleeping with the windows open on cool fall nights
2. All the littles sleeping in sweetly past 7 am
3. A few moments just be and my oldest before heading off to work
4. A midday text from my BFF
5. Candy and gifts from my boss for RT week (happy RT week!)
6. A good laugh shared with a coworker

How about you? Can you name 5 blessings RIGHT NOW?



{{Chris and I are starting a small group on Sunday nights and if you are in the Great Bend area we would love to have you join us! We are going to be doing the 1000 Gifts small group series starting Nov 2nd. }}

what i didn't know then

7 years ago, when Chris and I stood on the City Stage of Kansas City's Union Station, there was a lot I thought I knew about marriage.

7 years ago I knew that I was marrying my best friend. I didn't know that my best friend would become so dear to me that his mere presence is the only thing that will often calm my worried heart.
I didn't know that I would look in his eyes at times when I feel tired, defeated, overweight, ugly, and see that to him I am still the only woman in the world.
I didn't know how hard we would learn to laugh at the silliest things, often requiring no words of explanation.
I didn't know how strong his hand would feel holding mine, when I was in labor with our oldest child. I didn't know how deeply that gift of parenthood would strengthen our bond and make my love for him grow ten-fold.
7 years ago, I didn't know what struggles we had yet to face, that he would lift my chin when I cried tears over the loss of pregnancies, grandparents, and failed dreams.
 I didn't know he would find ways to make me smile in my very darkest moments, when my heart felt dead and my faith had given up.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back on my life there are many, many things I would change. There is so much I could do better. There are two words I will never, ever take back. That "I do" that I said 7 years ago, I would say again. I would say it over and over, shouting it from the highest of heights, "I DO, I DO, I DO!"




Christopher William Jeska, you are still the love of my life. With you as my husband, we have overcome many obstacles, and I'm sure we will face many more. But there is no one in this world I would rather do life with.

Let's Begin Again

It's a fine line in the social media world we live in today. Caught between the lines of a fake, picture perfect internet presence and constantly downtrodden, whiny, attention seeking poster. I know there are many that fall gracefully in between the two, but I constantly fear swinging too far to one side or the other.
Lately I've been feeling compelled to blog again. Several times over the past few weeks I've visited my blog and even clicked the "new post" link but haven't been sure where to go from there. I kept feeling like God was telling me to get back on here, keep sharing my story. Be present, be real. I feel like I don't have anything worthwhile to say these days. The few things I do have to say are said so much better by so many other eloquent bloggers. And yet, I felt called to log in again. To be a mom in the midst of all the struggles that go along with being a mom. Maybe it's for my own growth, my own healing. I'd be okay with that.
Whatever the reason, I'm back for now, ready to share my story. I just need to decide where to start...