Rainy morning

Early this morning Benton came running into my room crying. Even small rainstorms have always been a bit scary for him.
"Mommy, why does the rain and thunder have to come to our house?"
"The rain has to come so new things can grow," was the only answer I could come up with in my dazed, still half asleep state. Then it hit me, the simplicity of the analogy that I've heard a million times. It's old and cliche but to me today, in this weather, it was beautiful. It was the reminder I needed.
The past few weeks have felt a little grey and cloudy. The past few days my spirit has felt weary, like it was left out in a cold rain. I'm reminded this morning of God's promises of new mercies, and the beauty of his blessings through trials.
Can you sense the new things about to grow? I think I can :)

tough choices

I hate decisions.
Don't ask me where I want to go for dinner, I don't care.
Don't make me choose which outfit you should wear, I think they both look great.
The truth is, I've always been horrible at making up my mind. Part of it is the woman in me, and the other part of it is the planner in me. If I can't know with certainty the outcome of any particular situation, I can't feel confident choosing a direction. Then I had kids...
Did you know decisions are 287 times harder to make once you have kids? (I'm not sure on those exact numbers, but that's what it feels like...someone should do a study...) Every little choice feels like it will completely change the course of your children's lives, and nothing is more scary than thinking things could be less than perfect for little people who rely entirely on you for everything. More than lack of sleep, temper tantrums, and never ending laundry combined, big decisions are, in my opinion, the hardest part of being a parent.
Lately Chris and I have been in the middle of a few very big decisions. Deciding to go back to school, deciding to possibly change jobs, and as a result of both those decisions, deciding to move away from Kansas City. There are so many reasons I feel like we should move ahead with these decisions, and so many reasons I'm terrified we will regret it. I worry about moving away from both of the boys' God-parents, all of our best friends, our small group. I'm scared to leave behind the home where both of my boys have spent most of their lives so far, like moving will cause me to lose the memories. I sit here, literally crying, because I am so scared of the unknown.
My dear friend gave me the "Jesus Calling" devotional book for Christmas (if you don't have it, go out right now this second and buy it...seriously). I loved this tidbit from a few days back:
"... when the path becomes rocky and steep. Breathe deep draughts of My Presence, and hold tightly to My hand. Together we can make it!"
Will you pray for us? Pray that we would find clear guidance in the weeks and months ahead, as well as peace in the decisions we make, that the right doors are opened at the right times, and that in the meantime I am able to cherish these moments of the "in-between."