In my head today...

**PUBLISHERS COMMENT: This is another post that rambles. Sorry, I've been doing that a lot lately. I guess my mind is adrift and this is how I process my thoughts**

I became one of them. I swore I never would. It happened anyway. I became one of those people who checks their phone every 5 minutes, who can't let an e-mail go for more than 24 hours unanswered, who didn't want to miss a Facebook post or Instagram photo op.
In the midst of all the new high tech ways to connect I was missing out on chances to connect with the people right in front of me, face to face.
I had to take a hard look at myself and how attached I was becoming to my phone, and I didn't like what I was seeing. It started small, no big deal if I answer this call really quick during dinner, right? Then it grew. I'm just going to check my e-mail REALLY quick before I get that juice Benton just asked me for. Suddenly I felt like I'd missed it all.
I hate admitting that I forgot how to just sit, how to just BE.
Do you remember when you were 10, and if you needed to talk to a friend, you knew you had to wait until they would be home to answer the phone? Remember when you would get actual pictures from family in the (REAL) mailbox? Remember how all that was okay? Somedays I think about getting rid of my smartphone all together, sometimes I HATE knowing what's going on with everyone and how crazy competitive it can make me. Why do I let it bug me when my cowoker has 37 likes on a photo of thier kid and I only have 4? Why do I find myself jealous when somone gets a chance to craft that Pintrest project before I do and everyone tells them what an awesome idea it is? Why do I care??? More importantly, how do I stop it?
I'm taking a step back this holiday season, I'm not sure for how long. I've deleted Instagram, Facebook, and Pintrest apps from my phone. I'm checking peoples blogs less and calling people more than texting to catch up. I'm finding ways to really truly savor each day with my boys, it is flying by too fast and I'm tired of feeling like I'm missing it.
I hope I can encourage you in the last days of this holiday season to join me- put your phone away for a few hours. Don't even check it, put it on silent and leave it alone while you squeeze your kids and laugh with your husband...and if you can't reach me, know that I'm doing the same  :)

Dealing

Wow. Sigh. Wow.
I don't know how to process what happened today, I don't know where to start. I feel like I owe it to myself to write this post so I can, at least in some shape, work though my thoughts.
Shortly after hearing the news I looked in the eyes of my 3 year old son and began to weep. How? Why? It makes me want to scream and vomit at the same time. It makes me want to lock my doors and never leave my children's sides. Our hearts are heavy and our heads are spinning as we greave for the families in CT tonight.
There are questions that will never be answered but my trust remains in a God who bears all our burdens and hears all our prayers. Even in these dark hours I see that glimmer of light. With Christmas so close, I can find peace in His promises, even as I fear for the future of my boys.

Innocent babies are being cradled by the loving arms of angels tonight, and they will never again shed a tear or feel pain. May our hearts remember that this world is not our home, this story is not the end. May all of us who have children waiting for us in Heaven remember that the Christmas story is the beginning of the reason we will one day hold them in our arms again.