Lost in translation

**YAWN** Okay, I guess I'll come out of blogger hibernation for a new post on a subject that I've been thinking of writing for a week or two now.

I'm assuming most of you reading this are close enough to Chris and I (or at least you read my blog enough to know) that we have been trying for another baby for quite some time now (over a year an a half, to be more exact). You also may know that I am the Google queen. That is to say, when something piques my interest, in two shakes of a lambs tail you can often find me jumping to my laptop, the nearest computer, or my smart phone to "google" the subject.
What movie did that actor get his big break in? Google it.
What's the Ohio state bird? Google it.
How many people have truly died of water challenges? Google it.

You get the idea. Well, it should then come as no surprise to you that, within a few months of Chris and I unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant, I began to SCOUR the Internet for tips, tricks, and all things related to infertility. It didn't take me long to realize that if I was going to keep up with the message boards, blogs, and various websites, I needed to learn a whole new computer lingo, and yet I  had the hardest time finding one place that broke down all the various acronyms. So here it is, your first lesson in "Infertility Computer Linguistics". I doubt many of you will ever have a use for this, but who knows. At the very least, you might get a chuckle out of a few of them like I do. (Disclaimer: this list is not all inclusive, there are many more acronyms out there but, to be honest, I feel weird writing about some of those things in such a public manner)

First, here is a sample paragraph I made up similar to one you might find on a message board. If you can read this with perfect understanding then, congrats, you are finished with the lesson and may go back to real, important things.

"My DH and I have been TTC for a while now. We BD often and Ive use OPKs for a few months. I chart my BBT from the time AF arrives. I keep ending up with a BFN on my HPTs. Now I'm 8 DPO which came CD15 and tired of the 2WW. If I use my FMU can I POAS now? I just hope I get that BFP! Babydust to you all"

So did you catch all that?

Let me break all those down for ya. As previously stated, there are WAY more out there, but these are the most commonly used.

DH: Dear/darling husband

TTC: Trying to concieve (trying to get pregnant...duh)

BD: Baby dance, aka sex
"OK, it only saves us one letter to use this acronym"

OPK: Ovulation predictor kits (they help couples know the best times to do that baby dance)

BBT: Basal body temperature (Some very devoted ladies take their temp, ahem, down south, and chart it daily. It provides basically the same info as the OPKs, but is free, lest the cost of an additional thermometer. At least I hope you aren't using the same one you stick in your sick babys mouth. Ugh, Andrea, stay on track)

AF: Aunt Flo (Now I must admit, I thought EVERYONE knew who "Aunt Flo" was, but after talking about it with a coworker last night, I learned that this isn't, in fact, common knowledge. So, just to really break it down, Aunt Flo is your period, women.)
"aka your nemesis"

BFN: Big Fat Negative (This means you are NOT pregnant, at least according to the pregnancy test)

HPT: Home pregnancy tests (the pee sticks that you can buy for about $10 at WalMart)
"Everyone's favorite kind of peestick."

DPO: Days past ovulation (When trying to concieve, it helps to know that AF arrives 14 DPO *almost*always, so HPTs are often not accurate until then)

CD (insert any number here): Cycle day. (Day one is when AF arrives)
"When TTC, your mood and what you are doing with
your free time is often dependent upon your CD"

2WW: the 14 days between ovulation and the first day you can expect an accurate pregnancy test reading

FMU: first morning urine (it is recommended that you take a HPT when you first wake up in the morning. This becomes less important if you are a few days farther into your pregnancy than 2 weeks)
"Liquid gold for peestickaholics"

POAS: Pee on a stick (take a HPT)

"Peestickaholics consider peeing onto anything
other than a stick to be a waste of perfectly good urine."

BFP: the one thing every blogger on the boards (including me!) hopes for someday...a BIG

FAT POSITIVE (on that HPT)

"Baby jackpot!"
Babydust: Evidently, if you sprinkle enough of this virtual love, the baby gods will bless you (or the people reading your post?) soon(er?).
 Well, there you have it folks. Hope you now feel a litte more educated on a topic you likely wanted to know nothing about. If you read this entire post, you get an A+ :)

**Quotes from http://www.peestickparadise.com/ttc_acronyms**

Another little update

Once again I find myself feeling the need to apologize for my lack of fun, quirky, or unique posts for my blog, time and inspiration have both been my enemy over the last two months. I do promise, however, a blog soon with pics of my kitchen revamp that is *oh so close* to completed! (And looking amazing, I might add) Also, once I'm a little farther in (and hopefully not as stiff as a board) an unbiased review of the "Insanity" workout program will be posted. For today, another quick update on the goings-on in the Jeska household.

My two year old (well 2 and 1 month) is potty trained!!!! *BIG SIGH OF RELIEF* Okay, so we are still using pull-ups because he has occasional accidents but, for the most part, he's been staying dry all day and night over the last several days. The best part? He practically trained himself! Seriously, other than remind him throughout the day to use the potty (and reward him when he did) I have had very little to do with his success. I am SO proud of my BIG BOY! Ahh, little successes like these make being a mom totally worth it.

And speaking of being a mom, there is finally some news on the baby making front. Good? Well...ehhh....depends on how you look at it. Not in the sense that I'm pregnant, but yes in the sense that we are finally on our way to answers. I saw my doctor today who has scheduled Chris and I for several tests over the next few weeks, and referred us to an infertility specialist. Not all these tests seem like they will be very fun, and seeing the diagnoses "infertility" written down on paper was definitely a punch in the gut, but it still feels so good to not just be sitting around playing the waiting game.

Chris is still doing well in Oklahoma, he had his first test in his non-radar module and got a 100%! He showed me what his test was going to be over and all I can say is, wow! There were so many numbers to memorize, I don't see how he did it, but I'm so proud of him that he did! We got to see him this last weekend while we were in Minnesota for a couple days. It was a short (and very busy) visit but of course I'll take what I can get.

Speaking of Minnesota, Benton and I had a great visit. It's always wonderful to be around family and friends. Chris's cousin Erin got married and the wedding was beautiful, she was a stunning bride. I can't believe how fast all our cousins on that side are growing up! The only downside was the 8 hour drive with gas around $3.75 per gallon, yuck! But, overall, worth every penny.

Welp, that's my update for tonight. I'll post more when I know more. Maybe. :)

When God is quiet

"I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining;

I believe in love, even when I am alone;

and I believe in God, even when he is silent."

-found inscribed on a wall in a Nazi concentration camp following WWII

Throughout the last several weeks of lent, and the week following Easter, my heart has been in a battle.

I've spent weeks asking God why, what now, why, how long, why.

Every time I ask, I get the same answer.

Silence.

I've cried out to God for peace, screamed at him for answers, pleaded with him for blessings, shouted at him for a sign.

I keep getting the same answer.

Silence.

I've bargained with God, trying to use every chip I can come up with; I've searched the Word looking for hope, in my darkest hours I've threatened to take my own life.

His answer?

Silence.

But today, on my drive home from work, I remembered this quote I had come across a few years ago, "...and I believe in God, even when He is silent."

I don't have the answers I want, I don't have the peace I'm craving, I don't have the hope I once did, but I still believe. I still know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is up there, hearing every word, every shout, every teardrop.

This morning a song entered my head, and it's been stuck there for a few hours. It's by Joy Williams and the chorus says:

"It's okay to answer me with silence,

It's okay if you don't say a word,

'Cause you're testing me to trust you'll be faithful in this quiet,

So okay, answer me with silence."

I'm suddenly renewed in the fact that I will get through this time, I will come out a stronger woman, a better mom, wife, and follower of Christ. But for now, I'll just have to live with

SILENCE

My partial facebook fast

Dear fellow facebookers:
While I seem addicted to loging on to facebook with you 3, 4, *cough* 27 *cough* times a day, I've decided enough is enough when it comes to this self destructive behavior. I'm breaking up with you, our facebook relationship must come to a close. It's not you, it's me. Maybe we can still see each other from time to time as friends.
Love,
Me

Okay, so I'm not totally giving up facebook altogether. I may still post a status from time to time, and I'll log on every so often if someone sends a message or an invite. Mostly I'm giving up the news feed, primarily because just about every time I log in it loves to flood me with reminders of how about 95% of my friends are pregnant and I'm still not. I know, I can't live in a bubble. But I also don't need to torture myself very time I have nothing better to do than see what every acquaintance I've ever known has been up to lately. So, I may be out of the loop next time you ask me if I heard the latest news or saw so-and-so's latest status. But I think this will be a good thing for me. Until I have some good news of my own, or I'm better at dealing with things,  you'll just have to tell me in person what you think of the weather or how your lunch with your mom was.