For Auld Lang Syne...

Well, my last post of 2010. The end of the year. Bittersweet, isn't it? Or is it just me.
New years eve reminds me that I'm getting older. That all those moments from 2010 are over. That the world is continuing to move forward even when I don't feel ready. Another year with Benton has come and gone, he's getting older and his baby years are slipping away.
But a new year, a fresh start with endless possibilities, brings hope. And I am so excited about what it has to offer. Chris (hopefully starting) his new job. An upcoming visit to our family and friends in MN. I still have hope that our family will reach four by the time 2011 comes to a close. There is a lot to be hopeful for, excited for.
Give a toast tonight and kiss someone you love, and remember all the things you have to be thankful for, for "auld lang syne" (old time's sake, in case you weren't sure what that meant, like me until I researched it)
"And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right goodwill draught,
for auld lang syne!"

Goodbye palm trees, hello...palm trees???

Well, I finally finished the bathroom makeover. I can't really call it a remodel becuase we didn't change out any fixtures (although I would have liked to).  But, I'm still VERY pleased with how it turned out. Later in the new year I may go ahead and put in a new faucet, towel rack, etc but for now, this is much more suited to Benton's 1 1/2 (or closer to 2? Yikes!) year old tastes.
First, let me remind you how hideous it was before:

Please take note of the awful palm tree border, marks on the white walls, and chipping stain on the cabinets. And now, for the after:

We went with a soft green for the walls, painted the cabient white, and finally bought the curtain and rug I have been eye-ing at Pottery Barn Kids for, literally, months. Now, all I have left to do is buy some new towels and we will be all set. The irony of it all? After loathing and making fun of the palm trees in this bathroom for over a year I finally get rid of them and pick out a new shower curtain with....palm trees. LOL!

On the 3rd day of Christmas...

Well it came, and it went.
No matter how much I didn't feel like I was ready, wasn't in the Christmas spirit, wanted to change last week, Christmas came the same time it does every year, and passed just as quickly. And to be honest, it acutally was still pretty good. I had my moments where I felt down, but most of the day I just felt loved and blessed to have such a wonderful family.
I think the real bummer for me was that for the whole week leading up to my favorite time of year, when I'm normally filled with anticipation and excitment for all the family and food and special moments I was going through so much. As a result, even though I enjoyed Christmas day, I felt like I missed the majority of Christmas. Therefore, Chris and I have decided that in the Jeska household, the next two weeks, until we head up to Minnesota for Christmas with his family, we will be pretending like Christmas is not yet over. Yep, you read that right: the tree is staying up until the middle of January, as are the Chrismas lights. We may have to borrow a few Christmas movies from someone becuase I'm pretty sure the TV stations are done playing them, and I'm going to really have to dig to find my favorite Christmas CD's. But while most people are making comments about how bummed they are that Christmas is over, it is still in full swing here. Besides, Christmas is 12 days anyway, but most people only celebrate the 1st day, we are going to celebrate all of them!
My family has already gone home, which is the only thing that keeps it from totally continuing to feel like Christmas right now. It was so good to have them here, it's amazing how life just seems less complicated when your parents are around. And this year, they really left their mark, primarily with this little bundle of fun for Benton:

As you can see, we are still having issues with steering, good thing they bought him a helmet to go with it. I got lots of wonderful things as well, but my FAVORITE gift award this year goes to....
drumroll please....





MY HUSBAND, who gave me this:

I took a picture of it but couldn't get it to load for some weird reason, so I had to load one from the web, but this is the same color, etc as the one I got and I LOVE IT. Can't wait to start baking!

And I've got 11 more days of Christmas left to do it!

What was your favorite gift this year? What are you doing to stay in the holiday spirit?

As most of you probably know by now, the doctor called today and the news was not good. My "pregnancy levels" were high which means that we should have been able to see a heartbeat at this point on the ultrasound. We had a couple options as to which step to take next, but we've decided at this point to wait it out let nature run its course. We will check back in week and if I haven't gone into "labor" by then we will start considering more agressive procedures.
I think now the hardest part will be waiting for it to happen, not knowing how I will handle it when it does. Even though we went through this before, it all feels new and just as hard, if not harder. It probably seems crazy to be blogging about it all ready, but there are so many emotions running through me right now, and most of them I can't say without breaking down into sobs. So instead, I'll type them.
Christmas is just 3 days away and I can't stand it right now. I am trying SO hard to get excited about it again. My favorite time of year, and I just want it to go away. Today I did more Christmas shopping thinking that it might get me back in the holiday spirit and get my mind off things, but instead I came home feeling exhausted. I bought everything I need to make my Christmas cookies and fudge tomorrow, I guess we'll see how that goes (if it even happens). It's all still in the car right now, I didn't even have the energy to carry all my groceries inside.
When I was out shopping, all the Christmas decorations had such optimistic words like "Joy" and "Love" and "Peace." I want those feelings back. Its hard to think that just 4 days ago, I was telling everyone else to get excited, that this is the best time of year. I guess most of all, I don't understand how God expects me to celebrate the birth of a baby when all I can think about is the loss of my own. It's like a cruel, ironic joke to me.
If you are still reading, I'm amazed you've put up with my pity party for myself for this long. I wish I could say this will be the last one, but I can't make any promises. While you are praying for peace on earth and godwill to men, please keep our famiy in your prayers over the next couple days. Most of all, pray for peace for Chris and I, and that we still find joy in the final days of the Christmas season. Pray for me that my faith doesn't falter despite my diasppointment with God.

Hanging on a tiny thread of hope...

For the last 24+ hours I've been making vague facebook statuses, pleading for prayer, and trying to keep my head above the rising water of sinking faith. I promised and update for all you out there praying for us, an answer as to why you are praying, so here it is:

December 3, 2010: Positive pregnancy test, finally! Just shy of a year of trying to get pregnant and suddenly when we were almost ready to give up, God blessed our efforts with a teeny tiny baby growing inside me. No symptoms yet, except the fact that Mother Nature never sent her monthly gift. I couldn't be more excited or thankful. But, we are going to wait until Christmas to tell our families, and we'll tell everyone else after that...if we can stand to wait that long!

December 18, 2010: That's odd, still no symptoms, except a teeny tiny bit of bleeding. They say that's normal early on, I'll double check with some of the nurses at work tomorrow.

December 19, 2010: Bleeding is still light, and every website I read says its normal, but I'm starting to get nervous. I asked the nurses in the labor and delivery unit about it and they said to stop worrying. Completely normal. Chill out, drink some water, and look forward to being a mommy.

December 20, 2010: Something is NOT right. My gut tells me that despite what the nurses told me, something is very wrong. I called my OB and talked to the nurse, she said not to worry, my symptoms are not concerning at all and call if anything changes. Then the bleeding gets a lot heavier and I KNOW that my gut was right. I call my OB back and the tell me they will get me in tomorrow morning. I already know how this is going to go though. And the waterworks begin. I called my mom and she promised to head up to KC as soon as she got off work. Chris left work early and came home to be with me too. At least I don't have to go through this heartbreak alone.

December 21, 2010: My doctor examined me and said that her findings were inconclusive. They need to draw blood work and do an ultrasound before that can give me a final answer as to whether or not we have lost the baby. A few hours later, we see on the ultrasound that the baby is still there, but there is no heartbeat or blood flow. The ultrasound tech is also concerned that the sac around the baby is measuring small and the shape isn't quite right.
This afternoon my doctor called me after looking over my ultrasound. If my numbers in the blood work come back high, we will know for sure that the baby has already passed away. If the numbers in my blood work come back low, it could mean that the baby has already passed away OR that I am not as far along as we calculated. In that case, we will have more blood work drawn in two days to see if the numbers come back higher (the baby is still growing) or lower (the baby is not growing anymore). However, she stated that at this point, based on the size, the amount of bleeding, and the mis-shapen sac a miscarriage is 90 to 95 percent likely. And it isn't necessarily happening now, it could take several weeks before it actually happens.
So we begin the waiting game, the praying game. Most of me has given up hope, but there is this little bitty ray of light that says, hey, I still have a 5 to 10 percent chance of getting to hold this baby someday. To kiss its toes and squeeze it close to me. 5 to 10 percent. When the weather man says there's a 5 to 10 percent chance of rain, I leave my windows down. When a store sends me a 10% off coupon I throw it away because "That's nothing." But now, 10 percent is everything. It's my last hope.
There's a section in the Bible in Jesus is telling his followers (in the paraphrased Andrea International Version) "if you have the tiniest speck of faith, you can tell a giant mountain to move and it will! Because God CAN DO ANYTHING" I am tell this mountain to move, I am telling this baby to live and grow. I am telling God to give me a miracle. I have a tiny speck of faith. I just hope God holds out on His end of the bargain.
Please pray for us tonight, and tomorrow. If we get bad results, we will be making decisions in the following days about what route to take for the physical healing process to begin. If we get neutral results we will still be waiting over the holiday for any news. At this point, any good results will not come for weeks. But they still have a 5 to 10 percent chance of coming. God performed a miracle at Christmas over 2000 years ago, maybe he will perform another this year. My tiny speck of faith tells me He can. My tiny speck of faith tells me He will. It's the rest of my body, the skeptical, practical, logical portion which normally controls my thinking and actions that tells me to give up hope, to begin moving on now so that by Christmas I have some control of my emotions back. I guess we will see which one was right soon.

If my blog was a Christmas card...

Benton helped get out our decorations this year! Such a good helper!

We finally got a new, much fuller tree

All decked out in red and gold!

Someday, I WILL have a fireplace to hang our stockings on

Not so sure about Santa this year...maybe next year we'll get a smile out of him :)

Hopefully you are full of joy and blessings this holiday season.
All our love,

The Jeska family

101 Things...

I was cleaning out one of my bookshelves recently and found a book called "101 Things to Do Before You Die." I had bought it 5 or 6 years ago in Lawrence in one of those cute, trendy shops that sells useless things such as this and started checking the adventures off my list. Some of them I had already done (ie. get a tattoo, travel to another country) and some of them I don't plan on ever doing (ie. join the mile high club....have these people EVER seen an airplane bathroom? GROSS!) Anyway, as I flipped through this book, I realized that hardly any of the things in this book where in my top 101 things I still wanted to do with my life, so I tossed it right into the trash. Then I decided to rewrite the checklist and fill it with things that really matter to me. As I was writing my checklist, I realized 101 things was a lot, so I decided to cut it down to 51. So here it is, my list of "51 Things to Do Before I Die" (OR) "My Rather Long Bucket List"depending on which pop culture reference you prefer. (*Disclaimer: All items are listed in no particular order, and ranking on list is unrelated to priority)

1. Go back to Europe, at least one more time
2. Go get a pedi or mani once a month for an entire year, just to keep reminding myself that just becuase I change poopy diapers all day doesn't mean I shouldn't have reasons to feel glamorous about myself.
3. See Times Square and a real Broadway performance (in person)
4. Write a book. Probably just a short children's book, maybe for my future grandkids. But I'll need someone else to do the illustrations, I'm awful at art.
5. Laugh so hard I pee my pants a little (It does not coun't if I'm pregnant at the time). Record what was so funny so I can look back on it and laugh for years to come.
6. Spend a Christmas or Thanksgiving volunteering at a soup kitchen
7. Go to Disney World with my family
8. Grow my hair long enough to donate to "Locks of Love"
9. Pay off every single penny of my debt. From student loans to our mortgage, it would feel wonderful to not owe anyone any money.
10. Make a quilt.
11. (Continue to) remind Benton every single day for the rest of my life that I love him
12. (Continue to) remind Chris every single day for the rest of my life that I love him
13. And do that for any future children as well
14. Have future children (preferably 3 more, with at least one of them being a girl)
15. Have a bigger house for my future family of 6 (things may get a little cramped in this 3 bedroom townhome...but if we had to we could make it work!)
16. Be back to my wedding size of 130 lbs. I won't say how far I have to go to get there...
17. Go skiing (I know, most people say "Go skydiving, but I really don't like heights that much, and skiing seems risky enough to me)
18. Teach Benton (and any future children) to always put God first, family second, the world third, and themselves last
19. Read a piece of classic literature and actually enjoy it
20. Go back to the top of the Eiffel Tower, this time with my sweetheart <3
21. Make a scrapbook (Karalie??? If you read this, you might have to help me out here!)
22. Be a manager. In any profession really, it could be working at McDonalds for all I care. Just knowing that someone saw that I was a hard worker and care enough about my job to promote me would be the greatest compliment (from an employer) I could ever recieve
23. Take a spontaneous road trip. Don't pre-book the hotels or preplan when we will stop to eat, just GO!
24. Go RV-ing. This one could quite possibly be combined with number 23.
25. Go to a concert of someone BIG! (Not fat, just famous)
26. Make a perfect creme brulee (Anyone wanna lend me a blow torch?)
27. Make an impact, cause a positive change in this world that maybe I will never see, but it will be there nonetheless.
28. Try sushi (Yeah, I really never have before)
29. Take cake decorating classes (I have called Hobby Lobby about 5 months in row and they always have them on a night I can't go, no fair!)
30. Decorate a cake (REALLY well!)
31. Take another cruise. To anywhere. Actually I hope to do this several more times before I die, so I'm actually going to make it number 32-34 as well :)
35. See Benton graduate from high school.
36. See Benton graduate from college.
37. See Benton get married.
38. Hold my grandchildren. (Dear Benton, it would behoove you to complete the above 4 in the order listed)
39. Take ballroom dancing lessons (Chris and I signed up for these before our wedding and then only took about 3 becuase we were so busy, this time I want to follow through)
40. Learn something from each of my parents I never knew before
41. Have a perfect day. One where I wake up and the house is already clean, the weather is perfect, and I don't have to work. Everyone is in a good mood so we go to the park and have a picnic and fly kites, then maybe stop and have ice cream before we come home and have a family game night. One of those days that only exists in movies. I think they are possible and I want one.
42. Go to the dentist and have them say "Your teeth look great, I can tell you've been flossing. You don't even really need this cleaning today but we'll do it anyway. On the house since we can tell you work so hard on keeping your teeth nice." *FAT CHANCE, they get so much pleasure out of scraping your gums til you bleed and then charging your hundereds of dollars for it*
43. Learn to not hate the dentist
44. Get a boob job. (Reduction and lift if you really want the details)
45. Stay in a penthouse sweet somewhere (even just for one night)
46. Visit the west coast
47. Always have at least one nice thing to say about someone
48. Love with every ounce of my being
49. Go to a piano bar (I've heard they are really fun...girls night out, anyone?)
50. Get Benton potty trained (This feels like such a big task right now, that it actually did make the list, barely)
51. Cut my hours to part time at work, so I can homeschool Benton when he's older.

So there's my list. I'll probably think of more things when I'm laying in bed tonight, but that's my list for today. What's on your list??

Hello, Potty Chair

If you know much about anything that's been going on in my life lately, you know that Chris and I began potty traning Benton last week. Okay, so before you jump on my case about how crazy I am becuase he's only 20 months old, let me explain why we started so early.
1. An older, wiser friend of mine who has raised 2 girls and also used to run a daycare recently told me that she potty trained all of her daycare kids at 20 months, and all of them (except one, whose parents didn't help) were trained within a month.
2. I read a book called "Toilet Traning in Less Than a Day" which lead me to believe that my little guy could be totally trained to use his potty chair in under 4 hours (WRONG!)
3. I seem to have this irrational fear that if I don't start now, Benton will be wearning Depends through college.

Well, here's what I think of potty training so far:


IT SUCKS!
Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system...
So here's our strategy:
Benton wakes up in the morning, we take off his diaper, and he sits on his potty chair first thing. This is usually a successful trip, which always makes the day feel like its starting off on the right foot. However, it's usually downhill from here. Once Benton goes potty, we set a timer for 30 minutes. Then we go about our normal routine. When the timer goes off, its time to sit on the potty again. He sits as long as he's willing (usually anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes) and if he goes (which he usually doesn't) we reset the timer for 30 minutes. If he doesn't go, we reset for 15 instead. This process continues until naptime (when he wears a diaper) and starts all over again after nap. So, as you can see, it pretty much consumes our entire morning, afternoon, and evening.
In ways, I feel like we are making progress. He has gone on the chair a couple times (although they have always been times we've put him there, he's never gone on his own) and he recognizes when he traning pants are wet right away and does NOT like it.
On the other hand, I feel like we're spinning in circles and getting nowhere. I can't tell you how many times we've sat in the bathroom with him for 15 minutes waiting for him to do something and five minutes after we get up he's wet. Or one minute before we are about to go again he comes to find me and tell me he's wet. It's exhausting.
I know tht raising a toddler is work, I know potty traning is work. But really? Even if we can do this within a month, can I dedicate THIS MUCH time for an entire month? I feel like it would be SO much easier to wait another 6 months or so to see if he's acting more interested and ready rather than spinning in circles and getting nowhere. But the stubborn part of me is not ready to give up. The stubborn part of me thinks we CAN do this and he's going to get it anytime now. I feel like giving up now is the LAZY thing to do, taking the easy way out. And everyone you talk to has something different to say. So now what? Where do I go from here. Someone give me the magic answer that will solve all my parenting woes, please!
Well, better go, timer is about to go off!

Christmas Card Holder

So every year, I struggle with where to put my Christmas cards. I don't know why, but I have this weird thing about not liking clutter on the front of my fridge (or anywhere else for that matter), so as the cards start to flow in every year, I begrudingly break out the scotch tape and being to mount them onto my fridge in as organized a fashion a possible, until a day or two after Christmas when it's safe to start taking them down without hurting anyones feelings.

This year, however, is quite different. I found this adorable greeting card (or anything else you could think of) holder in the Pottery Bard catologue and fell in love.

However, I was not about to spend the $199 they were asking (it has since gone on sale for $149) for something that I knew I could very easily make myself for SO much less! Plus, I love projects so I was looking forward to seeing how I could make this work!

I started out with some old frames I had lying around in the garge, left over from Amanda's old salon that shut down. (Hey, she left 'em there long enough, I decided I could take one as my storage fee). Besides, they have been just glaring at me over the last 3 months, begging me to do something with them.

I spray painted the frame with this gold spray paint I picked up at Wal-Mart. I picked one that said I didn't have to prime or sand, becuase I really didn't feel like messing with that. Plus, this one said it gave a "hammered" look, so I thought that might help it look a little more vintage.

I used a picture framing kit (also from WalMart) to screw 8 of these eye hooks onto the back of the frame, evenly spaced, 4 on each side. I then strung picture hanging wire (which was included in the kit) across the hooks and attached them like so.

Finally, I decided my frame needed a little something extra so I used to more eye hooks on the top of the frame to attach red ribbon, then tied the ribbon in a bow for hanging the frame. Here's the (almost) finished project complete with our first Christmas card of the year (I ran out of wire, so I still need to run to the store and pick some more of that up)

And now our dining room FINALLY has something on that huge empty wall! Don't ya love it?!? And my total cost was only: (paint) $6 + (pic. hanging kit) $2 + (red ribbon) $1 + (clips for cards) $6= $15. Thats a 90% savings of the SALE price of the Pottery Barn version...and i personally think mine with the ribbon is a litte cuter too!

Stay tuned...

I'm so excited to have a week off starting at 7:30 am tomorrow.
Not only and I excited to have a week off, I'm excited about all the (hopefully fun and successful) projects I'm going to get done, such as:
1. Potty traning Benton (YIKES, still not sure if it's possible but one of my girlfriends SWEARS 20 months is the best age)
2. Creating a Christmas card holder (Already in progress, it's going to be sooo cute)
3. Painting Benton's bathroom (Unfortnatly all the other redecorating will probably have to wait until after Christmas, boo for not having unlimited income)
4. Making poodle skirts for the Christmas musical at church. (And they have to be done by Sunday. And I haven't started yet. Or even bought the stuff I need yet...)
Stay tuned, and I'll post updates on all my projects as they come!
For now, a new pic to keep you from feeling like this post was a total waste of your time. My two favorite boys, just being boys:

My little bratty poo

My kid is becoming THAT kid. You know what kid I mean. The one that all the parents dread being at story time at the library. The kid that you don't dare not put in the nursery during the church service. The kid that throws things at other kids. Yeah, THAT kid.
Chris and I promised each other from the get go that we would never let Benton be that kid. He would be raised to have good manners and show respect to others. So where did I go wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I love my little boy, and for the most part he really is a good kiddo. However, about a month ago he picked up a "funny" (to him) new habit of throwing toys (sometimes at people). We've been making efforts to correct this behavior with firm "No's" and time outs, and I do think we are winning the battle, but suddenly our efforts must be refocused on a new front in this "Toddler Discipline" war. When I asked Heather (Benton's daycare teacher) if he had been throwing toys, she said hes done it a few times, but more than that she's noticed him taking toys from other kids recently (GASP!) This is when it really hit me that we might have a problem. You see, he doesn't do this at home, there are no other kids for him to take toys from. As a result, I can't correct the action when I see it because I simply don't see it. (Yet another reason to have another kid, IMHO). So now what? If I discipline it hours later when I pick him up, he's not going to understand why. Heather said she does tell him "No" but I'm still concerned that I've got a big trouble maker on my hands!
So, now I begin the arduous journey to re-training my toddler the skills to being a fun playmate to his friends. This could be interesting. Feel free to leave me your tips!

My Christmas List

Here are a few things from my wishlist, in case you were wondering what to get me. I just made your Christmas shopping a whole lot easier :)

Artisan Series Stand Mixer by KitchenAid in black. I've only been dying for one of these since I got married 3 years ago ;)

Coach Black Signature diaper bag. Okay, so I know Benton is almost past the diaper bag stage, but I'm going to need a place to keep his juice and snacks (and a few little toys) for at least a few more years, and this should last at least that long...

A Tassimo Coffee machine, T65 Platinum Edition

A cruise, perferably at least 5 nights, to anywhere warm (I'm not picky). A few days to just relax and soak up the sun...ahhh, my stress melts just thinking about it.

Okay, so that's my list. Hopefully I get everything on it :)

PS. Just kidding. My real list consists of books, a couple CDs, some new clothes, and a pair of boots. But it's sure fun to daydream.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, it's a day late but I can't get through November without a shout out blog to all my readers about the many reasons I'm thankful this year!

First and formost, of course I am thankful for my family. Every morning, instead of an alarm clock I wake up to a little boy singing to me through his monitor, or chatting away (in jibberish) about his dreams and I can't help but say a prayer of thanks for him. Life has thrown us a few curveballs this year, but I don't think Chris and I have ever been closer, which is an amazing feeling. Even five years after meeting him I still learn new things and fall more in love.

Our trip to Minnesota last week reminded me of how lucky I am to have in-laws that I absolutly adore, that have supported us for the last three years. And, it reminded me of how thankful I am to not be living in that God forsaken fridged cold weather again this winter!

My parents arrived on Wednesday and reminded me how thankful I am for the way that they have raised me, with strong values and a bunch of love! And I'm thankful that I inherited some good cooking skills from somewhere up in the gene pool!
I have to work tonight, which makes me thankful that I've found a career I love, but that still allows me to be home with Benton every day and feel like a stay at home mom! I'm thankful that every need has been provided for, and a lot of non-needs as well! I'm a little sad that the big day is over, but Christmas is on the way! Oh, and THANKS for reading my blog :)

Christmas Cards

If you know me, you know I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas. Hands down, favorite time of year. You also may know that I spend between 4-6 weeks before Christmas scoping out ideas of what to do for our family Christmas card/letter. I've been browsing the various photo printing websites to see who has the cutest cards this year, and I've found several cards that I'm kinda in love with. However, once I had decided on our outfits for this year, it was easy to pick a winner for our photo cards. I can't show which one it is, because that would take away the fun of sending them out. So instead, I'll show you some runner ups (all from Shutterfly.com)

Cute, eh? Well, it's a relief to finally have a decision made. Good luck in your search for the perfect holiday card!

Don't wanna spend $100 again this year buying Christmas cards? Visit this link and get your first 50 cards free too! 50 Free Holiday Cards from Shutterfly!!!

Turkey Day Recipes!!!

Well once again, the inner planner in me has sprung to the surface in an effort to once again make this the best Thanksgiving ever. I always start my meal planning early for the holidays when I'm the one hosting. I try to figure out what items I can cook in the slow cooker, what will work just as well on stove top, and what I have to try to squeeze into my oven at 350 degrees while the turkey cooks. This year will be a meal for 7, so I'm hoping my menu is a crowd pleaser:
Hors D'oeuvres: (served from 10 am until meal time)
Fruit platter with fruit dip
Meat and cheese tray
Deviled eggs
Turkey time: (2:30 pm)
Michigander Style Turkey with Wild Rice Stuffing
Slow cooker mashed potatoes
Candied Yams
Creamy Green Bean casserole
Homemade rolls
*Possibly a jello salad, still undecided (Every year I try a cranberry dressing/sauce and it never gets eaten, so I'm giving up on that)
Dessert: (5:00 pm)
Pumpkin pie
Peanut butter pie
I always like to try one or two new recipes for the holiday, because I usually end up keeping at least one around for the following year. I figure if I keep at it for long enough I'll eventually have a set of recipes that are tried and true without being old and boring. Now I being the task of building my timeline for the night before and day of to ensure that everything gets finished at exactly the same time so it's all hot and fresh  right as we sit down to say grace.
If you are looking for a few new recipes for this Thanksgiving (or Christmas), these are the two I tried last year and have added to the Jeska household tradition:

Wild Rice Stuffing

*You will not believe this stuff, I think it is by far the best stuffing I have ever had in my entire life!* (for 18 lb turkey)
-3 c hot water
-6 tsp chicken bouillon (I use that paste that comes in a little tub, it is way better than the dry stuff)
-9 oz wild rice (I used a mix of long grain and wild rice)
-3/4 c butter
-1 1/2 c chopped celery
-1/2 c chopped onion
-6 oz dry bread cubes (I use those ones the grocery stores sell in the bakery this time of year)
-1 tbsp poultry seasoning
1. Dissolve 4 tsp bouillon in half the water over medium heat. Add rice and just enough cold water to ensure rice is covered with water. Bring to a boil then reduce heat and simmer 25 min, stirring occasionally.
2. Add remaining bouillon to 1 1/2 c water. Heat butter in skillet until melted. Add celery and onion and cook until tender. Add bouillion water and cook a few more minutes. Pour into large bowl and mix with bread, rice and poultry seasoning. (If you are preparing the night before, this is where you stop for the night)
3. Stuff turkey loosely and cook turkey as you would with any other type of stuffing.

Creamy Green Bean Casserole

(Notice: this is not yo mammas green bean casserole, so if you want the old version with cream of mushroom soup, just look on the back of the can!!!

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon white sugar
• 1/4 cup onion, diced
• 1 cup sour cream
• 3 (14.5 ounce) cans French style green beans, drained
• 2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
• 1/2 cup french fried onions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2. Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Stir in flour until smooth, and cook for one minute. Stir in the salt, sugar, onion, and sour cream. Add green beans, and stir to coat.
3. Transfer the mixture to a 2 1/2 quart casserole dish. Spread shredded cheese over the top. In a small bowl, toss together french fried onions and sprinkle over the cheese.
4. Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the top is golden and cheese is bubbly.

washed up

Remember this typical film scenario?
An experienced sailor takes his boat out to sea. The weather forecast is far from promising but he's sure it's nothing he can't handle. He sails right into the eye of the storm and, as luck would have it, his boat is torn apart by the rough waters. Miraculously, he manages to find a piece of driftwood and clings to it for dear life. The next scene opens with the sailor waking up, washed onto shore with the tide slowly drifting away.
That's the best way I can describe my week this week. For the most part I go through life feeling pretty confident in my faith. I know I have room to grow but I also know I can stand firm in my beliefs when asked what my life is all about. Monday the storm hit. The news of Chris's job falling through was a blow to my faith, and I began to doubt if I knew what I was doing anymore. But an amazing thing happened. Within minutes of posting my latest blog, some of my dearest friends and family began to send little pieces of driftwood my way. Little words of encouragement, posts showing empathy, and messages of love began to fill up my phone, my Facebook inbox, and my "wall." Even friends I haven't talked to in several months called just to offer a listening ear. It took me a couple days, but I finally washed up onto shore. I'm not quite sailing yet, but I have my feet back underneath me and I'm standing on solid ground. I still don't understand the "why's" but I've come back to a point where I can accept that the plan isn't for me to know yet.
I just wanted to say thanks to every single one of you who read my blog this week and shared a little bit of your heart with me. You have blessed me and I can't put into words how much the things you said meant to me.
"We think having faith means being convinced God exists in the same way we are convinced a chair exists. People who cannot be completely convinced of God’s existence think faith is impossible for them. Not so. People who doubt can have great faith because faith is something you do, not something you think. In fact, the greater your doubt the more heroic your faith."

There goes that idea...

I think my heart is breaking. Literally. It's aching. To be real with you, I feel like God keeps letting me down and I'm starting to doubt how much he really cares. I mean, I have said 100 times that I trust him and he knows what's best. And maybe he does know what's best, but I'm having a hard time believing today that he wants to give us whats best. Or maybe he is giving me what's best but I don't know how to recieve it. Maybe trust is this huge ability that I don't have anymore. Maybe I never really had it. Either way, today I'm mad at God. I'm mad becuase I feel like he's holding back on us, and I just don't understand why. I bet most of you out there reading this are wanting to say to me "it's not up to you to "understand" " or "you'll understand in His timing" but I don't want to hear that today, becuase I've been telling myself that for so long now. And really, does it help?
So you're probably wondering where all this is coming from. Today we found out that Chris will not be going to Oklahoma City at the end of this month to start his new job after all. A little background for those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about: 3 years ago Chris applied for a job as an Air Traffic Controller with the FAA. He interviewed in May  of 2008 and passed all of his testing except his color vision exam. Fast-forward to last spring: Chris took a newer color vision test and passed. He's been in contact with the FAA over the last several months and was told in July  he would be starting his training in Oklahoma City for the new position on the 30th of this month. Last week he put in his notice at his current job and reserved his new apartment in OKC. He has been working on getting his drug screen and medcial clearence redone since they are considered out of date by the FAA since they were last performed in 2008. Today he got an e-mail from one of the people he has been working with stating that he is not actually scheduled for the Nov 30th class after all becuase he doesn't have all of these things up to date right now.  (Even though he's been trying to get them done since August but they just a couple weeks ago sent him all the info he needed to get them scheduled.) So now, she has him "pencil-ed in" for early summer.
And now you're thinking "big deal," he has to wait a few months. And I probably should be thinking that too. But instead I'm thinking, WHY? When I thought we were finally going to get to a point where we could stop living paycheck to paycheck and start putting money in savings and really paying off our studnet loans. I thought we were finally going to be able to plan a vacation and be able to go out to eat without checking our budget first. I feel like I have so many friends who have it made, and since Chris and I got married it's been a struggle (financially speaking, that is). Yes, I probably should just be thankful we have enough to pay our mortgage and buy grocries and gas for the car but I guess I'm just not. I know that some of it is our fault, choosing private schools and being unwise with credit cards our first year of marriage. When we found out Chris was going to be starting this new job at the end of the month I felt like God was finally saying "Look, I am providing for you like I promised" and now I feel like God is saying "NOT!"
Chris keeps saying this is Gods way of asking us to trust him. But today I'm saying I can't. I don't have any trust left. I've beeng trying. For 3 years I've been trying to trust him with our finances. For the last 9 months I've been trying to trust him with our desire to have another child. And I feel like he keeps throwing these things back in our faces in so many ways and saying "Yeah, I'm giving your friends all these things but not you." For whatever reason. I guess they are more deserving. Maybe it's because they have more faith. They already learned the lessons God's trying to teach us I guess.
Well, I'm tired of this lesson. I'm ready for a new one.

Dieting on the brain

In honor of my new diet, I've found a few motivational quotes to keep me going when I'm feeling ready to give up and eat a Big Mac or to make me laugh when all I want to do is vomit after an intense workout. Enjoy! (PS, I'm starting with my very favorite!)

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.  ~Author Unknown

More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.  ~John Kenneth Galbraith, The Affluent Society
You won't fail if you're not perfect, you'll fail if you're not committed to improving yourself slightly each day.

It's okay to be fat.  So you're fat.  Just be fat and shut up about it.  ~Roseanne Barr

I have a great diet.  You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.  ~Ed Bluestone

Welcome, Holiday Season!!!

So it's been quite a while since I've blogged, not really becuase I've been too busy but more becuase I've had nothing too exciting to blog about.
Halloween was yesterday (Amazing day, amazing Halloween party, btw, and Benton was the cutest little monkey you could possibly imagine) which means today marks the beginning of the holiday season! I have a few "Happy Harvest" decorations still up until the day after Thanksgiving, but I did swap out my fall wreath for my beautiful new Christmas wreath and took down all the orange and black stuff and will soon be replacing it with greens and reds and silvers and golds! I also switched the alarm clock over to a Christmas station, no more talk radio for the next two months. (Can you tell yet that this is my absolute favorite time of year?) I'm also almost halfway done Christmas shopping! I'm even farther ahead of where I was at this time last year! So, November is starting out pretty amazing.
The only somewhat downside of November 1 today? Chris and I started a new diet. I did Slim4Life 3 years ago just before our wedding and lost a lot of weight. Unfortunatly, my *cough* excellent cooking skills along with our love for eating out has landed Chris and I in a place where we both have some pounds to lose so we are going on the diet again. Our ultimate goals are to get back to the weights we each were at our wedding, however I also have a halfway goal becuase I feel like I have a LONG ways to go! The first two days are lots of protien, green leafy veggies, and 4 oranges a day. I am already craving a huge pizza. It doesn't help that I have all this Halloween candy left from when Benton went trick-or-treating last night and don't know what to do with it.
So here's to a month of big changes. More about them to come later...

Book Report

A few weeks ago, I started reading the "Mark of the Lion" series by Francine Rivers. I've read several of her books before. "Redeeming Love" was my favorite prior to starting this series, the rest of her books all seemed to run together. Same story, different characters is the path I feel like most of her novels follow. However, these books take her writing to a whole new level. Since starting the books, my faith has really been challenged. I've been looking in a mirror and not always satisfied with what I see.
The first book, Voice in the Wind, begins the story of Hadassah, a young Jewish Christian girl whose family is (somewhat brutally) killed in the fall of Jerusalem. She is taken to Rome to become a slave for a rich, prestigious family, and she clings to her faith and promise to serve God as if it's the only thing she has left.
Now, I don't want to give away too much of the story, becuase these are some books you really need to read for yourself. But, what has captured me most about the books are two resounding themes.
 1. The constant reminders that God is here. He's never letting go. He's holding on. Today, my struggles, the things that scare me or tempt me or bring me joy, are all interwoven into his plan to draw me closer into His arms. I am such a thick headed creature to think that I should be so privy to knowing and understanding all the details that are part of this story he has placed me in. God doesn't promise to make things go our way, but He promises that His way serves a purpose much higher than I could ever hope to accomplish on my own. AND, His way is the ONLY way to feel fulfilled in this life.
2. God is sending us chances on a daily and even hourly basis to show love. And I'm not talking about the easy love, to our famililies or friends that make us feel good. I'm talking about that hard love, to those people who have acted rude, or careless or just flat out annoy me. And not only are we called to love, but called to ACT on that love. Wow, that's the hard part for me. Serving. Acting with grace when an insult is thrown my way. Treating EVERY SINGLE PERSON around me like their needs are above my own. Yikes. I have been failing miserably.
So, I'm going to try to re-dedicate myself to servanthood. To be a friend even to those who claim they don't need one. I am no judge. Who am I to say who is and isn't deserving of my heart? Pray for me as I start what I consider a new chapter in my life.
And read the books. You will NOT be wasting your time!

Happy Half Birthday Benton!!!!

Wow! Has it really been 18 months since I held this tiny baby in my hands, with tears in my eyes, realized my life had just been changed forever? It has! And what an 18 months it's been.

Let's see, I've probably changed somewhere in the neighborhood of 2370  diapers, washed around 1642 bottles/sippy cups, said 547 bedtime prayers, and given countless kisses and cuddles.

And what do I have to show for it all? The most amazing little boy I could ever wish for!

So, here's a little bit about what my 1 1/2 year old has been up to lately:
Benton is just a little (23 lbs, is that really little??) guy, measuring in at just under 10 percentile for his age in both height and weight. But what he lacks in size he makes up for in personality. I have a little jokester on my hands, who LOVES to make people laugh. His most recent method: tickling. He even says "tickle, tickle, tickle" when he does it! So cute! He is also quite the little music man. He LOVES to dance anytime he hears music in any form come on. Just this week, daddy and Benton made up a new "dance" while I was at work, it is so cute to watch them do it together!

Benton is a very good eater: his favorite foods are chicken (of any kind), green beans, and french fries. And before meals, Benton always folds his hands to pray, usually before we even remind him. He also really enjoys his bathtime. So much, in fact, that he gets really mad when anyone, including the dogs, is getting a bath or shower, and he's not! His favorite toys lately have been his fire truck, which he is finally big enough to ride around on his own, and his jack-in-the-box. But more than any of his toys, Benton loves his books. He is constantly bringing me books and climbing up into my lap for me to read them to him. Those are my favorite moments.

Benton has a big heart. He loves to give kisses, and has his own little way of saying "I love you" in sign language.

There is so much that I love about my little man, every month brings new things to cherish. I'm not ready for him to be a "big boy" but I am loving watching him grow up.

Benton William Jeska, I LOVE YOU! :)

3 years, still going strong!

Wow! 3 years! Okay, I won't use the cliche that it feels like just yesterday that I was walking down the aisle, that would be a huge exagerration. A lot has happened in 3 years, we have been trough a ton. We have cried, A LOT. But we have also had some amazing experiences I wouldn't trade for the world. Being married isn't exactly like I'd always imagined, but it's still great. Chris and I were talking about what our favorite parts of being married were so far. The list was topped off with, of course, our amazing son who we are head over heels in love with, the laughs that we have, and the fact that we never have to feel alone, even when the other isn't around, becuase we know that being apart will be short lived. No matter how hard things get, we are going through it together. I guess when it comes down to it, that's what marriage is all about, having someone to go through life with. And I love it.

SO, we decided we needed a chance to celebrate. Last year we didn't do much, since we had a 6 month old, and I could count the number of dates we have been on since Benton was born on one hand. We decided to make up for lost time and have a little "stay-cation" just the two of us. Benton has been with my parents since this last Friday (we had fall retreat all weekend so it worked better for him to be there anyway).

Here's the "G rated" recap :)

Wednesday Chris came home from work with a beautiful boquet of roses (pink of course), and since we were already all packed up, we loaded up the car and headed over to the Leawood Town Center/Park Place area where we had reservations for a couple nights at the Aloft hotel. Okay, so let me just say right now, this is my new favorite hotel. It's not super fancy, but it is fun and young and trendy and I LOVE it! In fact, I fell in love with that whole area this week. Our room was super cute (maybe a little small, but not bad).

Once we were all checked in we walked over to the Hereford House for dinner. Now I have heard from a few people that the Hereford House has the BEST steaks, and I have to say, our food was pretty good. So, next time you are looking for a yummy place to dine, I recommend it. I can say from personal experience now that the calamari is to die for, and the steak is also one of the best I've ever had.

We were stuffed before we even fnished our main course, so we took our white chocolate and caramel bread pudding back to the hotel for later. Then we headed back and exchanged gifts. I got Chris a new watch and he got me this adorable picture (below) for the house (I still have to decide where to put it...any ideas?) Since I promised to keep it g-rated, I'm going to leave out the details of the rest of the night ;)

Thursday we slept in until 9:30, yes, 9:30, it was heavenly. Truly. when we get to heaven, I think God is going to let us sleep in until 9:30 every day. Ahhh. Then we got up and ran around a little, had some lunch, and walked around town center for a few hours. (Hey coworkers, I got some new shoes so now you can't make fun of my old ones anymore :) )

Well, I had a co-worker tell me about

this little shop called "Cupcakes A La Mode" so we decided to try it out. Ummm, there are no words. I ordered the "Love Doctor" which is a chocolate cupcake with a strawberry buttercream frosting that has chocolate chunks and then it's topped with a chocolate covered strawberry. Chris had one iced with a mocha-y (I know, not a real word) frosting and topped with a chocolate covered espresso bean. Yum-o! Then we went and saw "Easy A." I won't lie, I had my doubts about this movie. Nothing else was really showing that interested us, though. And we figured since we were the only people in the theatre, if it sucked we could just make out the whole time. Just kidding. Kinda. Anywho, I was wrong. The movie was actua

lly really good! And Emma Stone was great. She is my new favorite celebrity. If I were a guy, she would be my celebrity crush. In fact, I think she's my new celebrity crush anyway. Yes, she was that good. After the movie, some dinner at CPK and back to the hotel we headed...

Unfortunatly all good things must come to an end and today we checked out and are now (very anxiously) headed to my parent's for the weekend to pick up our little man. I cannot wait to see him!

So there's your recap. Sorry for the play by play, I normally try not to put up posts like this but I had a few people ask about the trip so I figured this was the easiest way to share.

life without my little one

Thursday night I drove to Wichita to meet up with my parents so that we could celebrate my birthday, and also drop off Benton. They are watching him for us since we had fall retreat with the teens this last weekend and a little vaction planned this week for our anniversary. Every time we take him to stay with either set of grandparents, I seem to be a huge ball of emotions. First and foremost, obviously, I'm sad and I cry. And cry. And cry. I think its mostly becuase I get afraid that he's so young he will forget about us during the week. And I just miss his smile, and his little laugh, and the way he holds my hand when we go for walks. And I miss waking up to him talking over the monitor. And I miss reading a story, saying bedtime prayers, and giving goodnight kisses. Okay, so I guess I just miss him a lot in general.
But when I can get past all that, I also feel a little sigh of relief. Don't get me wrong, I 100% LOVE being a mom to such an amazing little boy. But as the time to pack for Wichita approached, I thought about how, for a whole week, I can wake up at whatever time I want in the morning, nap as long as I need to before work on Monday, and if all I want to put the effort into fixing for lunch each day is a bowl of cereal, no one is going to care! When I clean the house, it might actually stay that way for more than an hour this week! And no dirty diapers to change!
Later this week Chris and I are looking forward to celebrating our 3rd anniversary and spending a few days away from all our usual day to day worries and reconnecting with each other. I am SO excited! And after that, home we head to pick up our bundle of energy. I am already giddy about scooping him up and smoothering him with kisses. Until then, I'm sure I'll cry a few more times when I call Benton to say goodnight or go in his room to put clean clothes away, but for the most part I'm just going to try to sit back, kick my feet up, and enjoy a much needed chance to change my title back from "mommy" to just "me" for a couple days.

Why 25 wasn't so bad after all...

Well, like it or not, it happened. I turned the big 2-5. A quarter of a century. Halfway to 50. 5 years from thirty. No longer a young adult, but feeling way to young to be considered middle aged.
I'll be honest, there was some dread as yesterday approached. I began to wonder how young is too young to start lying about your age? Has it come to this? Have I finally reached that age when you would rather everyone forget your birthday than throw you a party?
When yesterday came, however, I slowly began to realize that I didn't have any more wrinkles than I had at 24. I still have no gray hair. I still listen to "hit music" rather than oldies and my panties do not have holes, nor do they come up to my belly button. Sure, I didn't gain any fun "rights" like driving, or voting, or going to rated-R movies, but none of those were as amazing as they were cracked up to being anyway (okay, except for maybe driving).
So, instead of griping about my age, instead I can be excited, becuase I had a pretty amazing day yesterday with some of my favorite people. And here's how it went:

I woke up to Chris and Benton bringing me breakfast in bed (blueberry pancakes, toast, and eggs over-easy, if you were wondering)
Next we went to church (message was GREAT, btw) and came home to watch the cheifs game (who won in my honor) and had lunch and hang out time with one of my favorite couples: Matt and Quinn.

My sister and EJ came over later in the afternoon and we had chocolate chocolate chip cake (recipe coming soon, per Megan's request ;)).

I also got some presents, which were pretty great. Here are a few of them.
In addition to all that, my husband did laundry and dishes so that I could relax all day. It was just a wonderful day all around, I felt very special and loved.
Here's to being 25!

My little music man

Ever since Benton was born, we knew he was destined to be a musician in some form or another. Besides the fact that both Chris and I play instruments, he has always had a tendency to bounce along to the beat of whatever's playing. He loves to clap his hands with the crowd at church and dances anytime a new song comes on the TV or radio. So, it didn't surprise us at all today when he decided it was time to experiment with different instruments and choose his calling.

He started with the drums...

Then he moved on to the piano...

Next he tried the guitar for a while...

But alas, he finally settled on the saxophone kazoo.

say a little prayer for...me

Well, believe it or not, it's September. That means it's been 9 months since Chris and I started "trying" for baby number two. Still no luck. With our first pregnancy, we weren't even trying. In fact, I was on birth control when I found out we were pregnant. (For those of you that don't know, we ended up having a miscarrage at right around 11 weeks with that baby). Our second pregnancy happened within three months of losing the first. I never thought we would face this problem. But here we are. Waiting. Hoping. Feeling disappointed month after month.
Some of my friends who know about my desire to have another baby don't understand. Benton is still so young, why the rush? And before I had Benton, I probably would have thought the same thing. Now that I have him now, though, I have found a whole new capacity within myself to love, in a deeper and stronger way than I ever knew was possible. Everyday I see him grow and learn, which is the greatest reward in the world. I can't imagine life without Benton. He brings so much joy to my life, I can't help but want more kids to love.
I'm not sure why we haven't had any answers to our prayers yet. I don't know wether God is saying "No" or just "Not yet."  But I'm hitting a point where waiting on his timing is getting harder and harder.
So, here's my request to all of you out there reading this: say a prayer for us. I'm calling all my prayer warriors out there to keep us in mind throughout these next few months as we continue to try to seek His ways and trust His plans. Hopefully a new baby will soon be a part of those plans, but if not, pray for us as we try to discover the paths He would have us take.

sorry for the downer...

There is one part of my job I absolutly hate.
Here's the scenerio:
Middle age (mid thirties) woman suffering from a form of cancer comes into the hospital with pneumonia. She has two daughters, both under the age of 15, and a husband who loves her like she's the only woman in the world (and to him, she truly is). However, after arrival, her condition quickly worsens and she is intubated and placed on a ventilator. Many treatments are started, tests are ordered, and doctors are puzzled. On the second night I am caring for her, her health takes another turn for the worse. However, the changes are nothing we haven't seen before, and thanks to my schooling I know just what ventilator changes need to be made to correct the rising carbon dioxide levels in her blood. Doctors order the changes, they are quickly made, and we wait. Levels are retested: carbon dioxide is going up instead of down. Her blood is becoming more acidic. Doctors order more changes to the ventilators. We wait. More tests; more bad news. One more set of changes, we aren't ready to give up yet. Carbon dioxide keeps rising. The doctors call a meeting with the husband. He's not ready, but he knows he has to say goodbye.
It's about two in the morning. Her husband doesn't want to call anyone, becuase that would mean leaving her side for even just a few minutes. No, he will wait until she's gone, he wants to have the last few minutes with her alone. Then I get called in. It's what they call a "terminal extubation." We pull the tube and turn off the breathing machine. The nurses have given meds to make sure she stays comfortable, like she's sleeping. Walking into that room, I feel like Jack the Ripper. He's holding her hand, saying "I love you" over and over with tears running down his cheeks.
I leave as quietly as I entered, and watch the monitors from outside as her heart rate slows. Fifteen minutes later, she's gone.
Every day I see anywhere from 5 to 35 patients. The majority of them greatly benifit from the treatments I deliver. A handful of those really could die without what we do. A few times I have made a change or noticed a need that truly has saved a life.
But that doesn't make nights like this any easier. It only teaches me to cherish life, and the ones I love, and the ones who love me, and would hold my hand refusing to leave, even to make a phone call.
Find a way to cherish life today. Find a way to love someone a little harder today. I double dog dare you.

Not quite good enough for me...

Ever have one of those days when everything you do seems not good enough. Today was that day for me.
I slept in a little later than I would have liked, and putzed around the house a lot. Rather than getting housework done, I read and took a nap in the afternoon. Rather than a home cooked meal, all I had ready for Chris when he got home was mac and cheese and hot dogs. At the end of the day, I didn't feel like I was a good enough wife.
I let Benton wear play clothes all day rather than something cute. We didn't do anything fun like go to the park or play in his little swimming pool, instead we took it easy and played inside. We didn't work on colors or letters or numbers or sign language today. I made Benton stay in his crib for his whole naptime, rather than letting him come upstairs and play when he woke up early. Even though he fell back asleep before long, at the end of the afternoon I didn't feel like a good enough mom.
I had a friend text me and ask if I was free for lunch tomorrow. I told her that I would be sleeping since I work tonight and tomorrow night. After I turned her down, she told me she had a lot going on and just needed someone to sit down and talk to. Even though we made plans to meet later in the day before I go to work, I felt like I wasn't being a good enough friend.
I only walked the dogs once this morning, after that I was too busy (or lazy?) to find time to do it again before Chris got home, so they spent about 5 hours in their kennels. I wasn't a good enough pet owner today.
But all that being said, I did pray today. I loved with my whole heart today. I gave Benton more kisses than I could count today. I laughed today and told my husband I loved him today.
"Mister" (Fred) Rogers once said, "Some days, doing "the best we can" may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn't perfect on any front-and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else."
Okay, Mister Rogers, I'll take your word for it.