what i didn't know then

7 years ago, when Chris and I stood on the City Stage of Kansas City's Union Station, there was a lot I thought I knew about marriage.

7 years ago I knew that I was marrying my best friend. I didn't know that my best friend would become so dear to me that his mere presence is the only thing that will often calm my worried heart.
I didn't know that I would look in his eyes at times when I feel tired, defeated, overweight, ugly, and see that to him I am still the only woman in the world.
I didn't know how hard we would learn to laugh at the silliest things, often requiring no words of explanation.
I didn't know how strong his hand would feel holding mine, when I was in labor with our oldest child. I didn't know how deeply that gift of parenthood would strengthen our bond and make my love for him grow ten-fold.
7 years ago, I didn't know what struggles we had yet to face, that he would lift my chin when I cried tears over the loss of pregnancies, grandparents, and failed dreams.
 I didn't know he would find ways to make me smile in my very darkest moments, when my heart felt dead and my faith had given up.

They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back on my life there are many, many things I would change. There is so much I could do better. There are two words I will never, ever take back. That "I do" that I said 7 years ago, I would say again. I would say it over and over, shouting it from the highest of heights, "I DO, I DO, I DO!"




Christopher William Jeska, you are still the love of my life. With you as my husband, we have overcome many obstacles, and I'm sure we will face many more. But there is no one in this world I would rather do life with.