Stillness

Listening to the radio is, for me, a rarity. I occasionally listen on my way to and from work but other than that, it usually stays off (I'm not a fan of excess noise, I get enough of that from my son and doggie). However, last week was one of those mornings that my eyes were having a tough time staying open on my drive home from work so I turned the radio up to keep myself from drifting off to sleep. The K-Love morning hosts were encrouaging their listeners to choose a word for 2011, One word that you wanted to persue for the year. Words like, deeper (as in, go deeper into relationships, the Word, etc) love (love more, love harder, etc) and clear (be transparent, be understood) were some of the ones the hosts had picked. The idea stuck and I began to think about what I really wanted this year.
There are still so many emotions flowing through me since we had our miscarriage last month. Some days I hardly want to get out of bed. Other days I look at my beautiful son and see how blessed I am, and think about how selfish it is for me to feel anything less than that. Someday I really feel happy. It's truly been a roller coaster ride. But amidst all this, one verse keeps coming to mind, day after day.

"Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)

It seems so simple. Be still. and not just be still, but be still and KNOW. Stop worrying. Stop trying. Stop crying. Stop running around and trying to stay so busy just so that you don't have to think about what happened. Just be still. Be still and KNOW that I have this. I have got this under control. It's in my hands, its part of my plan. There is not one thing going on that is slipping by me. So just STOP.
So I found my word. Two words actually. Still and know.
Be STILL and KNOW that HE is GOD.
But oh my gosh, being still is hard work. Hard when you have a 1 1/2 year old running circles around you. Hard when you want your house to be spotless and dinner on the table by 5:30. Hard when anything less than perfection doesn't seem good enough. But it's not a request. It's not a suggestion. It's a command. The verse isn't "try to be still" or "be still when you feel like you have time," it's just "Be still." But that's what I'm going to do, slow down and try to find time to be still. To trust. To listen. Feel free to join me.